A hater once said, “There’s no way you can fit a mini-horse into every ad campaign.”

That hater was my mother. So here it is, Ma.

Adidas:  A stunt.  Move over guerilla, there’s a new ad animal in town. We’ll send a fleet of mini-horses out onto the streets of Berlin with the Adidas Asylum flag draped over their backs in the style of medieval jousting horses.

Men’s Wearhouse: A spot. We see a mother having a holiday wine party with her friends. She calls for her husband and son to come say “Hello.” Out clops two snazzily dressed mini-horses. A super appears: “Men’s Wearhouse: inside every man is a show pony.”

Jimmy Dean: A spot. In the great, grand stable of life, teenage boys are metaphorized as mini-horses that live solely off of Jimmy Dean breakfast sandwiches. It is not until they are men, that they can become non-mini horses.

The Smithsonian: An experience. To further separate the Smithsonian from the uptight museums of the world, we’ll provide a complimentary mini-horse guided tour.

The Flamingo Hotel: A stunt. To mess with the drunk people, we’ll replace the flamingos in the courtyard with a herd of mini-horses between 2am-6am.

Barnes & Noble: A stunt. At the Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them party, we’ll turn mini-horses into Thestrals, a mysterious breed of skeletal winged horses.

Chobani: A spot. We see a feed trough filled with Chobani. We see the mini-horses sprint towards the trough. The first mini-horse to reach the trough makes a victory neigh before taking a gulp of Chobani. After housing the trough, he starts singing an Italian opera. A super appears, “Chobani: Get Cultured.”

Rolling Stone: Social. On IG TV, we dub over mini-horses neighing with the latest pop-culture and music news to help teens stay up to beat. Think MTV’s TRL but with mini-horses.